I Need A Break

I've been down in the dumps lately. Here's what's been going on....

My brother moved today. I'm very sad about this. He and I have always been really close and although sometimes Portland seemed like forever away, it was still comforting to know that if I needed him he was only an hour drive north. Now he's moving clear down to San Diego and I'm already feeling lonely. When John and I decided to move to Oregon I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that I wouldn't be near any of my family, but I had accepted it and was learning to live with my decision to move away from them. Then my brother moved out here to Oregon and even though I missed other family members, it was so comforting to know that he was out here with me. I had planned on my new life here in Oregon to be without family, but then I got the awesome surprise of my brother's sudden move out here and I was ecstatic...now I have to get back to accepting the fact that I'm pretty much alone out here. I know that sounds harsh because I have my awesome/wonderful husband and his loving family, but it's just not the same as having my blood out here....ya know?

On top of my own personal issues in that area, work has been terrible. My hours have been yo-yoing for a while now. At first my hours were cut, then I was given hours, now my hours are cut again, but then they're talking about giving shifts back...it's so unprofessional it's ridiculous. Not only am I having issues with the company itself right now, I don't know how much longer I can stay there because of the high emotions that come with the job. I feel like every child I get attached to gets taken away and thrown back into foster care. I had two in one day on Tuesday taken and thrown back into the foster care system, and they just so happened to be my two favorite kids in the program. It's one thing to see a child and mother leave because the mom graduates and is thriving...it's completely different when the mother doesn't want her kids and gives them away. I don't understand it, and I don't know how much longer I can take the heartbreak that comes with it. Tuesday I literally packed this sweet little 18 month old toddler's belongings into a foster moms car, and handed him over to her after the mom was arrested in our facility. It was terrible and I was a massive wreck. I can't do that again. People tell me not to get attached, but how do you not get attached to these sweet, innocent kids who are put in these situations not because of any wrongdoing on their part but because of their parent's train-wrecked lives? It's not possible. You get attached. You want to take them home. You want to give them a better life and show them that they're loved. And then, after dealing with all of the emotional turmoil that comes from the kids, you have the women to put up with and let me tell you, they're attitudes stink up to high heaven. I've been yelled at, cursed at, threatened....I usually have patience to put up with it, but lately with everything else going on I don't.

And, my slumber party stuff that I was talking about before? It's bombing. It hasn't even taken off yet and I feel like it's already been a mistake. I've had to reschedule my first party twice now and no one has bought anything from my website.

I'm so frustrated with everything right now. Can I have a break from life for a minute?