Baby Merrigan

It's time to come clean blogger friends. You see, I've been keeping a secret from you...

Yes, it's true. John and I are pregnant :)

I found out I was pregnant the night before my birthday (Happy Birthday to me!!), but we were so scared that we were going to lose this one too we didn't tell anybody. We kept our faith in God, our fingers crossed and our mouths shut until we were able to see the doctor and hear our little one's heartbeat. So a few weeks ago we went in to my OB and sure enough we heard the "swoosh swoosh" of the heart- 120 bpm and everything looks great :)

My doctor and I disagree with how far along I am, but there's a bit of confusion because I got pregnant only two weeks after my miscarriage. Apparently you're super fertile after a miscarriage- who knew. So the confusion lies in me not having a typical cycle in between pregnancies, but I'm pretty positive I'm 10 weeks (doctor thinks I'm 8 but I don't think that's possible). Our due date is either October 8th (if I'm right) or October 21 (if the doctor is right).

So far this pregnancy is completely different from the last one, which is a very good thing!

For the first couple weeks I felt great! Aside from extremely sore boobs I didn't feel much different at all. And then BOOM, the nausea hit like a ton of bricks and has yet to go away. I'm nauseous 95% of the time- morning, afternoon, night, my body doesn't care. I'm not craving anything because most foods make me sick. My boobs, well, they still hurt like a mother. I get tired very easily; I'm ready for a nap by noon everyday and crash when I get home, but you know what? All these symptoms mean high pregnancy hormones, which  means a healthy baby. So if me being sick and exhausted means my baby will be healthy, I'll take this all 9 months long.

John is very excited. He was scared and nervous at first and didn't want to talk about the baby in fear of losing it, but once he heard the heartbeat it was a different story.

We've named baby, but we've had names for a while.

We have nursery themes picked out, we just have to wait a few more weeks till we can find out the gender.

And we're getting a crib soon :)

So that's where we're at. We have a very healthy baby, a very nauseous mommy, a very excited daddy, and all the other details are slowly getting taken care of as well :)

What Would Have Been

Ive been having a hard time dealing with my miscarriage the past couple days. It's been hitting me at work at the most random times- I'll be feeding a baby and it'll hit me, or a baby will fall asleep in my arms and it'll hit me, or even yesterday when one of our babies rolled over for the first time...it hit me then too. I think I'm thinking about it so much lately because I was going to announce our pregnancy this upcoming Tuesday, my birthday. I would have been 3 months, but instead I'm starting all over.

I also just had a friend lose her baby and I know exactly what she's feeling. She was a couple weeks further a long when she lost hers, but I still understand and it brought me back to that place again. It sucks. And although we're still trying, I'm full of mixed emotions about seeing a positive test. I want that so bad; I pray for it every night...but I'm terrified at the same time thinking that the same thing will happen again, and I don't know how I'll take it if I have to go through this a second time around.

Stocking Up

I bought some really cute stuff today for my baby stash, wanna see? Of course you do, it's cute baby stuff, who doesn't want to look at cute baby stuff? I bought....

                                                                       this car seat cover 
                                                            (hat included! the hat sold the deal)

                                                               and the blooming bath
                                                                      (in turquoise)

I typically don't like the gender neutral stuff so I pass on anything that I feel should be related to the gender, but I didn't like the gender specific car seat covers anyway and then I saw this one and it's just too stinkin' cute to pass up. And the blooming bath, I figured if it's a girl she'll still look girly in a blue flower, and if he's a boy well then at least it's blue! haha

I also bought a moby today (in the color "slate") but those aren't "cute" so no picture needed. 

I also bought this diaper bag a few months ago, but wanted to share it with my "cute baby stuff"

When it comes to diaper bags I feel like it doesn't need to be gender specific because baby isn't the one carrying it around- I am, so I went ahead and bought one that I wouldn't mind toting around everywhere. The whole gray being a gender neutral color thing is a coincidence because I'm a sucker for gray. It's pretty :)

Lean Not On Your Own Understanding...

Hi guys,

Well I wrote in my last post that I would be lying low for a little while and I had intentions to do that, but things have changed. You see, New Years Eve I found out I was pregnant. I was SO excited I was actually in tears. John told me to lie low and not tell anyone, but I couldn't do that....I was too excited!! So I told my two best friends Lizzie and Courtney and my little sister Bailey, I seriously was about to burst at the seams with the news every time I saw someone. But John and I have always been on the same page when it came to sharing this news, we were going to wait until I was in my second trimester, after the risk of miscarriage went down. 

A couple days after I found out, I started bleeding. I was bleeding and cramping really bad, called my doctor and explained what was going on....there was nothing they could do, they told me to wait a few days and then go in for a check up. When I went in my doctor verified my fears, I had miscarried. I was absolutely devastated, angry and confused.

I pride myself in knowing a lot of information about pregnancy...infants...all that jazz, but I didn't know that 50% of miscarriages happen within the first 6 weeks and that's where I was at. I debated putting this super personal information in my public blog because most of my family doesn't even know and none of my friends know except for Lizzie & Courtney, but I decided to finally write it down because no one talks about it. My case could have been so much worse- I didn't hear a heartbeat or feel it kick, I didn't give birth only to realize I lost my baby, so I know people have it so much worse than me but I'm putting this out there in case it's happened to anyone who went through it and wants to talk or is going through it and wants to talk. 

For those who are wondering, I'm doing okay. I'm not great, but I'm okay. My doctor said I shouldn't have anything to worry about and this shouldn't increase my chance for another miscarriage. I'm completely healthy and we've started trying again. I'm just praying it doesn't happen next time and that 9 months from the  time I see that positive test we'll have a healthy and beautiful baby boy or girl. 

P.S. On the upside, this made us seriously consider baby names and baby things....we have officially (like officially officially, we're not even considering other names) decided on a boy's name and a girl's name. I've gotten a couple more baby things, and I'm going to start purchasing bigger baby things like strollers, carseats,  pack n' plays....all that fun stuff :) 

My Struggle

I'm trying so hard to be at peace with not being pregnant yet but I'm struggling. Everywhere I turn family and friends are having babies and getting pregnant. All my friends want to talk about is how they're getting ready for their babies, how they're getting ready to start trying, how their pregnancy is going, posting pictures of their bellies and their new babies and here I am, still trying to get pregnant with nothing to say. No big announcement. No surprise picture. Nothing.

My old sorority sends out alumni newsletters every month to keep us all updated on how each other is doing and because most of our group are now moms or soon to be moms they want to start adding a little insert about mommyhood and their kids. That was announced tonight, and it felt like a slap in the face.

I really am trying so incredibly hard to be okay with the waiting process, but I can't tell you how many times I've cried about it not happening yet.

Baby Names Continued

I don't even know if we'll ever need it, but  in case we do....John and I decided on a baby girl name tonight. I love it. And he likes it. Those things never happen at the same time.

John: "I've actually heard that one. But it's not common."

Success! Exactly what I was goin for.

One thing we have decided on as far as boys names go that I can share is that if we have a boy his middle name will be Robert in loving memory of my grandpa. That makes me happy inside. We still (I still) have about 5 boys names on our boys names list. I have my favorites but he doesn't really like to talk about names extensively since I'm not even pregnant yet. Understandable. Kind of. I like talking about it. Planning is the only thing I can do that makes me feel better about not being pregnant.

I wish getting knocked up was as easy as Teen Mom makes it look.

An Absolutely Must Have is Absoulutely Out of The Question

Somebody, please stop me from lookin up baby things 24/7. It's getting a little ridiculous.

I'm not even pregnant yet and all I do is look up baby items we need, baby items I want, baby items that I think are absolutelymusthaves. On one hand I feel like I need to start buying things now so we're more prepared and we're not shoveling out all this money at once, on the other hand ...I have no idea how long it's going to take for us to get pregnant. So do I wait? Or do I start buying little pieces at a time?

Ok let's be real here. I've already bought some little pieces, now I want big pieces, which are harder to justify.

I do get myself in to trouble when I start searching for things though. Tonight for example, I wanted to check out prices on crib bedding sets just to see how much they can run for...I found the absolutelymusthave crib bedding set if we have a girl (which is another reason I think I should stop because I don't even know what gender I am going to need things for and I'm not going all neutrals) only this absolutelymusthave is $478!!! So basically what this all boils down to is that if/when the time comes when John and I are expecting a little girl, I will be taking donations for this beaut, kay?

Baby Name Charts Give Me Ulcers Part II

Realizing that my baby name list was dwindling down (and not because I was crossing off my least favorites from the list) I hopped on the social security's baby name top 1000 (yes 3 zeroes) chart to get more ideas. I also Googled "How Not To Choose A Trendy Baby Name" and you know what I found? An article that specifically listed my #1 baby name as a prime example of a name not to choose because of it's popularity!

WTF! Seriously. What. The. F#@%.

I swear on everything holy that I thought I made it up! The ironic thing is though, that I've still never heard anyone say the name let alone name their kid with this name....but it's somehow so popular that it's in an article about not choosing a trendy baby name.

F@#% me.

So long name. I love you dearly. But I just can't do that to my hopefully in-the-near-future kid...

Back to the drawing board.

Baby Name Charts Give Me Ulcers

Not really.
But close.

Every girl has a list of baby names...whether you're trying to get pregnant or not, every girl has a list. I've had mine for a very long time, but admittedly names come and go from my list. This mainly depends on the Top 100 Baby Names chart...I refuse to give my baby a popular name. Though some of the names I have in mind are on this list, in a perfect world my baby names wouldn't even reach top 100. 

But you know what ruins my day even more than seeing my baby names get more popular on this list? (Though that really frustrates me and causes me to go back to the drawing bored once they hit above #50.) When people I know use my baby names!

The other night I told John he needs to "hurry and knock me up before all my baby names get taken". In the last couple weeks 2 of my names have been used by people I know and one has reached soaring popularity on the baby name charts which makes me no longer want it.

But I'm running out of names!

One that frustrates me the most is a name I made up. I've never heard it before; I honestly thought I made it up. Even with all the other baby names that have come and gone on my list, it has constantly been my number one name  for 2 years now, and the other day I saw it on a "today's trending names" list .

So seriously. This baby needs to be made fast, before anyone I know uses my name!!


A couple previous names on my baby list that have become too popular or used by people I know:

Lillian
Scarlett 
Amelia
Olivia
 Isabella (before Twilight's Bella became ridiculously popular) 

Gabriel
Wesley
Landon
Lucas
Noah
Gavin
Elijah
Sawyer 


*Note:  I hopped on and looked at the popular baby names list again while I was typing this and saw my number one name move even higher up the list! It already seems unusable being at the spot that it's at on the charts, I'm going against everything I've always thought by keeping once it surpassed  #50 ..if It gets any higher I'll seriously lose my mind.

I love having a unique name. I do not want my kid to be 1 one of 5 or even 1 of 3 in their class. I've always wanted a name that wasn't even on the charts, and now because of the way trends go, ALL of my names are on the top 100. I really love them, but do I keep them knowing they are growing in popularity and go against what I've always wanted as far as naming my child? Or start looking for new names, knowing that eventually they will probably come up on this list too?