My Birth Story

I figure now that my son is almost a month old, I'd better get to writing his birth story! I meant to do this a while ago, but got busy being mommy :)

My due date was Monday October 21 and I had been on maternity leave for a week. For that week I had been trying to naturally induce because I was so impatient! No worries, my doctor knew what I was doing and actually encouraged it, so I tried everything. I ate spicy food, I walked for a couple miles every day, I tried nipple stimulation with my breast pump, and John and I...well you know ;) haha. But nothing worked! Monday came and went and I was soo impatient!

Tuesday morning I woke up at 8:40 and I thought maybe my water had broken, but I wasn't sure. I knew it didn't gush out like in the movies so I thought maybe this was the start of things. But just to make sure I waited to see if contractions started. At 9:40 my contractions did start, they were about 11 minutes apart and lasted 40 seconds. After an hour of that I called my doctor to ask for an appointment later that day because I wasn't sure if my water had broken and for those of you don't know, when your water breaks you're kind of on a time clock at that point because your risk of infection increases. So I called my doctor, told her what was going on and they wanted to see me around 4:30. Around 12:40 my contractions were about 5 minutes apart but still only lasting 40 seconds. They were getting more intense so I called John at work and told him he needed to come home.

Not long after he came home my doctor's office called and said that my doctor had gotten called in for a delivery and they needed to move up my appointment to 2:15. I thought, "thank God because these are getting really painful!". So just in case, when the time came for my appointment we packed the car and headed down. By now my contractions were 4 minutes apart and 50-55 seconds long. By the time we got to the hospital I was in a bit of pain and told John to call the OB office, cancel my appointment and take me straight to registration. And that's just what we did.

They took me up to labor and delivery, checked my progression and I was 4 cm dilated so they went ahead and admitted me. I was really nervous that they'd just send us home, but I was so relieved when they told us we could stay! They wheeled me into the delivery room and I got the biggest birthing suit in the hospital. It was huge and the view was beautiful, even though I wasn't really in the mood to admire it. For the first little while I labored on the bed, I was so tired and after each contraction I just wanted to lay my head down and rest. I'm not really sure about times at this point because I told John to cover the clock so I wouldn't sit and watch it. But not long after we got into the room I decided to get into the jetted tub and try laboring in there for a little bit. The warm water helped in between the contractions, the jets hurt so I didn't use those, but the contractions were still just as painful. I stayed in there a while and tried to relax, then after probably an hour in the tub I got out and sat on the birthing ball. The birthing ball was awesome. Somehow the swaying motion it provided really helped with the contractions, but after sitting on the ball for a while my back started to hurt and I just wanted to lie down again. So back to the bed I went. I'm not sure what time it was but my nurse asked if I wanted to try a pain reliever...and for the life of me I can't think of the name right now, but my goal was a natural delivery so I was a little weary. She assured me that the drug would only last an hour at the longest, but that it would give me a chance to rest. So I accepted it. That hour was amazing. I still felt the contractions, though they weren't as bad as before, but that rest I was able to get really helped me the rest of the night. After that hour my midwife came in and checked to see how far along I was and I was 7 cm. My birth plan was a water birth and so she asked me if I still wanted to proceed with that. I was honestly on the fence. The contractions were so painful I wanted an epidural, but she and John encouraged me to at least try the birthing pool before making the decision. So I did. The birthing pool to me was a lot like the jetted tub, it felt nice in between the contractions but it didn't help with the actual contractions themselves. By now it was around 11:00 pm (I think I asked what time it was) and I was in a hell of a lot of pain. I was making sounds I'd never heard myself make before in my life. I told John that I couldn't do it anymore, that it wasn't just a moment of weakness, and that I really wanted the epidural. The delivery nurse called in my midwife to check to see how far along I was and I was fully dilated- no epidural for me.

I couldn't find a position that was comfortable enough for me to feel like I could deliver in the birthing pool. So I got back in the bed. My midwife broke my water and encouraged me to start pushing. *Not sure if you caught that part, but that means that my water did not break that morning*. I tried pushing but my body wasn't telling me to push yet so I wasn't doing it right. My midwife told me to wait until my body told me to push but I thought, "No, if pushing is what's going to get this baby out I'm pushing!" So I continued to push incorrectly until my body finally decided it was ready to push. That sounds silly, but pushing isn't something you can practice or be told how to do....your body will do it naturally and if it's not ready, well you'll probably do it wrong. I tried pushing while lying down and then I tried pushing using the bar that they attach to the bed. I think that's what really progressed this stage for me. But then I was exhausted and really needed to lie down, so that's what I did. I kept pushing and pushing but felt like I was getting nowhere. Then my midwife told me that Pierce was stuck behind my pelvic bone. He kept hitting it every time I pushed. Eventually my midwife had to reach in me (talk about painful!) and try to help him come up over my bone. I continued to push, his little head popped out, and then my midwife told me to just hold it there. I thought, "Wtf! I can't hold it here! This hurts!". She was trying to keep me from tearing, which I appreciate now, but at the time I just wanted him out! So I held him there. Then she told me I could push again, but his shoulders were stuck. I don't know how long I pushed with his shoulders being stuck, but I remember yelling, "Can't you just pull him out?!" and then they did.

John was able to catch Pierce and cut his umbilical cord. They immediately placed my baby boy on my chest and little man was ready to eat! But part of his amniotic sac had broken off inside of me and was causing me to hemorrhage. Luckily for me, my midwife was on the ball and immediately started working to get the pieces out. I was holding Pierce this whole time. Though it was painful with them trying to get those pieces out, I was really more focused on the precious little boy laying on my chest. He was born at 1:51 AM on Wednesday October 23rd. He was 7 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long.  After they got the bleeding under control I was able to nurse and Pierce latched right away! His latch was great and he nursed for an hour right off the bat. The delivery nurse kept commenting on how she had never seen a newborn take to feeding so fast and feed for so long. Luckily he's still a great eater. Some people say their baby came out latching well but struggled the next day or what have you, but nursing is something he does extremely well. We're blessed that way.

But back to my story. Pierce was so calm when he was first born. He cried for a couple seconds when he came out, but he didn't cry at all after that for a while. John bathed him and he didn't cry, he had his shots and he didn't cry...he was such a trooper and so calm. We were finally able to go to our patient room around 5:00 AM. John slept, I did not. I was too consumed with my little man. I couldn't stop watching him, and when he was sleeping I was so paranoid that I stayed awake making sure that he was still breathing. We went home the next day around 6:00 PM .

I don't regret anything about his birth or my experience. I was able to achieve a natural birth which was what I wanted and although it was incredibly painful I'm glad I stuck it out (even if it was because I was too late in asking for the epidural ;)). I will be honest in saying that next time I'll get the epidural, but this time around I'm glad I didn't.

Pierce is the best thing to have happened to me. He's my angel. I never knew what it was like to love so immensely and immediately. Without further ado, here's my baby boy:

Pierce Robert minutes after birth

Pierce Robert 3 weeks old 

B

36 Weeks and Counting

Woa have I been MIA or what??

We've been super busy getting ready for baby Pierce's arrival. We only have 28 more days until our due date, but everyone thinks he's going to come early. And I agree. So while I'm counting down from 28, I secretly hope that we really don't have that long to wait.

As of today I feel that he could come any time and we would be ready :) We have everything that we would need right away, and almost everything we need period. The only things left are a crib mattress which we will be getting next week, and sheets for the crib and changing table. That's it. After that we have everything :)

I've done a lot of work on the nursery the past couple weeks and it's so nice to see it all come together. We've got our decorations up; I painted his dresser and reassembled it; I painted his bookends; I made a baby mobile; we received a glider from my mom today and it's assembled and I'm currently working on his baby quilt :) I love all of it!

His co-sleeper is set up next to our bed, our baby monitors are charged and set up, I received my breast pump today, our hospital bag is almost fully packed, and we're interviewing pediatricians.

Four weeks ago I didn't feel ready at all. There was still such a huge list of things we needed to get done and not having the nursery finished (or even close to finished) was stressing me out. But now, I'm ready. I'm so ready :)

We even started sleeping with his blanket we plan on taking to the hospital so it smells like mommy and daddy. I was pretty sure John would think it was weird or silly, but the other morning he was sleeping with it :) he's so cute :)

So hopefully in 28 days (or less) I'll have baby photos to post, but until then I'll probably continue to be MIA and just relax and enjoy the last few weeks John and I have to ourselves :)

Pregnancy Survey Week 26

How far along? 26 weeks exactly :)

Total weight gain/loss: I'm not sure....it was 11 pounds a couple weeks ago but then we went to Maui and I'm SURE I gained a couple there haha

Maternity clothes? lots of stretchy waistband shorts and dresses

Stretch marks? They've finally come :/

Sleep: Getting a little better. I finally got a huge pregnancy pillow and let me tell ya it's a lifesaver!!

Best moment this week: The week just started, can I use a moment from last week? Cuz that would be my brother and sister feeling him kick :)

Movement: A ton and his kicks are getting harder. I swear this kid does karate in there. 

Food cravings: Chocolate...lots of chocolate

Gender: Baby boy :) 

Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? I've got an outie folks

Wedding rings on or off?  Off. I might be able to wear them some days, but it's been so hot I don't even try any more 

What I miss: Caffeine. 

What I am looking forward to: Our next appointment and our maternity pictures next month 

Weekly Wisdom: Pay the money for a pregnancy pillow. Don't try body surfing while pregnant. And listen to people's opinion about pregnancy/labor/delivery...but stick to what feels right for you and your baby.

Milestones: We've hit the double digits! 98 more days until our due date :D

Baby Updates

I know Pierce has been able to hear for a while now, but I think his hearing is improving because the other day at work I was sitting feeding a baby while another baby was having a total meltdown right next to me, and as I was sitting there (don't worry, meltdown baby was being taken care of by my co-teacher) I felt him kick 15 times! FIFTEEN! Before then I hadn't felt more than four kicks total, but fifteen at once?? It made my entire day!

Since finding out that we're having a boy I've officially started on the nursery. So far I don't have much done...like, hardly anything done. I started painting the trim a week ago, and I'm still working on it. The original trim was an ugly dark brown and because I'm painting it white it's taking quite a few coats to cover completely. Also, I'm still waiting for John to move out the guest bed in there so I can paint behind it, so far I've only been able to paint around the bed. That's our project for today though- to finish the trim, and to get the bed out. I think that once the painting is done though I'll feel more accomplished because we can move the stuff we do have into the nursery. We still need to get a dresser or armoire (I really want an armoire but we'll see if I can find one that doesn't cost an arm & a leg) and a glider, but aside from those two things I think all of the big items are purchased. We have been so blessed by the people around us! We have had so many items given to us and a couple bought for us, items that would have cost us a lot of money. We are so grateful for everyone's genuine excitement and generosity towards us <3

On a different note, last Sunday I was at my niece's 1st birthday party when suddenly she opens a gift that says "Kennedy (that's her name) is going to be a big sister!" Come to find out John's brother is expecting another baby 4 weeks after we are!! They're just now telling people so I still forget sometimes that Jaici is almost just as far along as I am haha but we're excited that Pierce will have a cousin that's so close in age :) John's cousin's wife is also expecting a little girl 4 weeks before us...there are going to be lots of little cousins running around at family functions. I loved having my cousins around when I was little, and John is extremely close to his- we love that our baby boy will have the same fun experiences.

Happy To Announce

Pierce Robert Merrigan 

We are now halfway through the pregnancy with a very healthy baby boy weighing in at 11.4 ounces!!

A Little John or A Little Me?

We had our big ultrasound on Thursday and it was one of the best days during this pregnancy so far. We don't have the results back yet, but we'll have them Monday. I was so excited to see our little bundle!! Baby went from being a little dot on a photo to an actual baby!

My friend went with me to see the ultrasound because John is in Utah for a friend's wedding. I was extremely  upset that John couldn't be there, I cried. But he was on speaker phone with me when she revealed the sex :)

I can't reveal whether baby Merrigan is a boy or girl yet because John and I are going to do a gender/name reveal on Monday when he's home. But I am super excited and immediately went out and bought gender specific items :)

The ultrasound was surreal. It's amazing how much you can see with just that little wand. I saw the brain, the heart, every vertebrae of the spine, we even saw arteries...how crazy is that?! The baby was moving around a lot, kicking and rolling, but I couldn't feel anything. I told the technician I was worried that I didn't feel much movement (and wasn't feeling any at the time) so she looked at the placenta and come to find out I have an anterior placenta, meaning that the placenta is in front of the baby blocking me from feeling a lot of the movement. This isn't a bad thing necessarily, just where the placenta happened to land, and she said that all that means is that it'll take longer for me to feel constant movement. Which kinda sucks, because I love feeling the movement whenever I do.

I really didn't think I'd cry. And I was doing really well at first. But then I saw those cute little baby toes and I couldn't help myself. They are the most precious baby toes I've ever seen in my life. While the technician was trying to get a 3D picture of the face the baby wasn't really cooperating- moving, rolling, not facing the camera, putting his/her hands in front of his/her face whenever she went to take the picture haha she was wiggling my belly trying to get baby to turn the right way...it was kind of funny. And when she did that baby rubbed those adorable little eyes like (s)he was tired...and I cried again.

I've loved this baby since I found out I was pregnant, but it's amazing how much closer I feel to the baby after actually seeing the little face, and the little hands, and the little feet. Now this baby is a definite sex, and now this baby has a definite name....it makes it so much more real.

I can't stop staring at the ultrasound photos. Trying to wrap my head around the fact that right now, as I type this a little baby is actually in my tummy....my baby with that cute little face, and those adorable little toes....that there is an actual human being inside of me that gets tired and rubs his/her eyes. A little baby that looks like me or John...or hopefully a mixture of the two....

So without further ado, here is our little baby

I'm tellin' ya...there's something about those feet that get to me every time...

<3

does baby look like a little John, a little Piper, a little of both?

I'm so excited to meet this little one. To be this baby's mommy. This is one of the best things that's ever happened to me and that will ever happen to me, hands down. I feel so blessed and honored that God has made this little human specifically with John and I in mind, to make the perfect addition to our little family, to teach us and to hopefully help us be the best parents we can possibly be. 

I love you little lamb <3

our Memorial Day Weekend

I have had such a good Memorial Day weekend and it's not even Memorial Day yet.

Friday night after work I went out to dinner with a great friend. Much needed girl time! Then John and I tried to watch a movie together but both ended up falling asleep in the middle of it. Ooops.

Saturday we woke up, lounged for a little bit, I skyped Lizzie Doll, took Duke to the dog park for a while, brought him back home then John and I went out to lunch, then it was off to a mini golf date. Mini golf brought back so many memories of when we started dating. I was working at a mini golf course at the time, John would come visit me at work and I'd let him have free games.....sometimes I'd get off work and we'd play a round together. We used to go mini golfing quite a bit but haven't been since we moved out here. I loved it! I had a blast :) We made a bet on who would win....if I won I got a massage (a legit massage) and if he won he got...well, something else. Let's just say we both won in the end hahaha

Today we did some house work, I worked out, we went and looked at a daycare (that's not going to work out), then went out to lunch, came home and went on a walk with Duke, and then we went to a dinner at Tina's with the boys and our cousin Chelsea who is in town from New York.

I feel like I've been so busy this weekend and so active, I love that feeling!

We'll see what tomorrow has in store! :)

Happy Memorial Day everyone! And thank you troops for all of your sacrifices!! <3

River Lullaby

I forgot I didn't update this thing after my last post.

Well, we didn't find out the sex at our last appointment. Our last doctor said that we would get an ultrasound next time around, we got there, and surprise- no ultrasound. I was really disappointed. We made an appointment for the 30th to find our the sex and have our big ultrasound....but I'm so impatient. I haven't seen my baby since our 6 week ultrasound....SIX WEEKS when baby looked like a little dot and now I have to wait until I'm 19 weeks. That's a friggin' long time!! I think we should get more ultrasounds than that. Thirteen weeks an no ultrasounds? This is one unhappy momma. 

The doctor did pull out the doppler though and the heartbeat was between 140-150 :) we got results from the many blood tests they did and all my stats were great too AND I gained back the 4 pounds I lost in the first trimester. Very happy about all that. Not to mention the fact that the baby was very active during the appointment which was awesome. 

Speaking of active baby. I love sitting here with headphones on my belly letting our little one listen to music, and I think I've discovered his/her favorite song. Apparently "River Lullaby" from the Prince of Egypt really hits the spot for our little one, that or (s)he is telling me to stop playing it and goes crazy....but I think little lamb loves it :) 

A Fantastic Week that Keeps Getting Better

This week has been such an amazing week and it just keeps getting better!

My grandma and sister came out to visit for a few days and I was able to spend some time with them, that was awesome.

My grandma went a little overboard and bought a ton of baby stuff for us: a crib, mattress sheets, a mattress pad, bibs, receiving blankets, baby hangers, baby bath towels, baby wash cloths, a couple outfits, some white onesies, booties, a baby book, diapers, wipes, and I know there's more that I'm forgetting. This child is going to be so loved & spoiled!! We are so grateful! :D

On top of that we get to see our little one in less than 12 hours. I'm so excited! I've waited weeks to see baby again.

John's brother and our sister in law are coming out from Utah tomorrow and will be here for a few days visiting. We love having family and friends come visit :)

And to put the cherry on the sundae, I was finally able to completely pay off my incredibly stressful and high interest rated credit card!! Woot woot!! That thing has been dragging me down for years. See ya later Wells Fargo! We are now one step closer to financial freedom :)

Our First Big Purchase

We are the proud new owners of this beauty :)

I'm so excited to have such a big item already. We have a lot of little things, but this was our first big purchase. This was a gift from my grandma (so technically not our big purchase). We are so thankful for this crib, it's a much nicer one than we could afford on our own. 

Along with the crib, my grandma also bought our little lamb a super cute baby book, a silver keepsake thingy, Ute booties and Razorback booties (for our Arkansas peeps). It's safe to say she's a little excited for her great grandbaby :)

My sister brought me all of our old Dr. Seuss books. Some are a little worn, but I love that we have the same ones I grew up reading. I'm also going to get mine and John's favorite books from when we were little to go in the nursery. His was "The  Little Fish That Got Away" (surprising? not in the least) and mine was The Berenstain Bears"The Spooky Old Tree". Those are two must haves that we still need to get. But I digress...

John and I get to go in on Friday for our next appointment. I feel like we've been waiting forever for this appointment to come! Our last one was 7 weeks ago, that's soooo long to wait to see our baby! I can't wait to hear that little heartbeat again. That sound makes my heart melt :) And hopefully with this appointment we'll be able to have a better estimate about our due date.

Figuring Out Maternity Leave

My friend Alicia hit the nail on the head when she talked about how great October due dates are. John and I have been talking about how long I'm going to take for maternity leave, and my bosses have been asking me about it as well because they need to find a substitute teacher for my classroom, and I think October is the perfect time to take off the rest of the year.

I'm due sometime in October so I would naturally take at least 6 weeks which would put me into November, and in November we have Thanksgiving and then a month later we have Christmas and New Years Eve. Instead of worrying about getting time off for family to be here or whatever will be happening, we've decided that I will be home with the baby, get a routine going, and I won't go back to work until the beginning of the New Year. And then the amazing part happens (the amazing, yet expensive part)....baby gets to come to work with me and be in my classroom :) :)

It's going to take a lot of sacrifices to make it work financially, but one of the bonuses of my job is that my children can attend our center. Our center is a private child development center for the university professors and students, but because I work there, my baby can also come. I've already talked to my bosses and there is no conflict of interest if my baby is in my classroom. I can't think of a more perfect situation. I will get to be with my baby ALL day and still bring in a paycheck. I am so thankful that I don't have to quit my job or sacrifice time with my baby. We simply couldn't afford for me not to work, and the thought of leaving my baby with someone else after a few weeks is depressing. Even though we will be paying for baby to be at the center 5 days a week, because John has Fridays off I think baby will stay home on Fridays and get some one on one daddy time.

I know I was baby hungry a while ago, but seriously, the timing is too perfect now. I've said it before and I'll say it again, God's timing is always better than our own. Had I gotten pregnant a year ago when I wanted to, we would be struggling financially and I don't know what I would have done about work or childcare. And what better month to give birth than October because October gets the holiday roll started and I am lucky enough to get to spend all of them at home with my little family :)

Now all I have to do is figure out how maternity leave works and the whole FMLA thing works. I don't know how getting paid while on maternity leave works, but at least I have a few more months to figure it out :)

Gender Prediction

I think it's pretty safe to say that whenever a girl gets pregnant she starts day dreaming about who her baby will be, what they will be, what their personality will be like....and part of this curiosity in the first few months is wondering, is it a boy or is it a girl? Unless you're one of those people who doesn't want to find out, then you wonder for 9 months! Just the thought of that stresses me out haha

I've been sooo curious to know whether little lamb is a boy or a girl that I've gone so far as to look up all the ridiculous baby prediction myths (knowing full well that they're not scientifically accurate). Needless to say I get pretty mixed answers. According to the Chinese calendar I'm having a baby boy. According to my cravings and extensive nausea it's a girl. And then I stumbled upon a scientific study for gender prediction.

This study had a 97.2% accuracy in the prediction of boys and 97.5% accuracy in the prediction of girls. Basically you need to have a very early ultrasound (around 6-9 weeks) and if your baby is on the right side of the picture (that means it's actually the left side of your uterus because the image is mirrored) then you're most likely going to have a girl. If your baby is on the left side of the photo, chances are high that it's a boy.

According to the study, it looks like little lamb is a girl :)

This picture makes me smile, and giggle a little bit because I can't distinguish anything....she/he is so itty bitty! Well...was itty bitty, this was almost a month ago. 

Our next ultrasound is in two weeks and I can't wait to hear the *swoosh swoosh* of the heartbeat again :)

Although John and I are hoping for a boy, we will be ecstatic if baby is a girl. All we really care about is that little lamb is healthy :) 

Homesick

Have you ever made a life changing decision and afterwards you can't stop thinking if it was the right one?
I made one of those two years ago and I'm still unsure if it was the right thing to do.

I'm really homesick. I've been really homesick for two years now. I have zero family out here (John's doesn't count) and I will never have family out here. I've made a handful of friends and I can honestly say I've only made one that I would be sad leaving. In two years I've only made one friendship that I would miss. How sad is that?

I love Oregon, I really do. I love being near the ocean. I love the rain. I love how green it is all the time. But I love my family more. I hate not being there for my grandma during this whole transition of losing my grandpa. I hate not being there for my sister and her last year of high school. I hate that I can't be with my dad and celebrate with him on every holiday. I miss my friends- my real, true, lifelong friends. I miss white Christmases. I miss being home. Plain and simple.

I know John loves being able to just go crabbing on a whim. I know he loves going salmon fishing whenever he wants. I know he loves having his parents near him. But I also know that he misses his best friends like crazy because he, like me, hasn't met any of those life-long friends yet. He mentioned the other day how if we could move back he could send himself to police academy and he's sure he would be able to land a job. 

But how do we change it now? How do we just pick up again and move?

I think John and I need to have a serious talk....

Just Call Me Santa

Black Friday shopping was a complete success this year!

Normally I go Black Friday shopping with every intent to knock out most if not all of my Christmas list, but somehow it always turns into "Oh, I need new shoes!" "Oh, that's a cute sweater and it's in my size!" "Oh, I love that purse!" and by the end of the day I have lots of pretty new things, but my Christmas list is still in perfect, non-crossed out condition.

This year though I rocked Black Friday!

Tina and I started shopping around 7pm (I am actually against shopping on Thanksgiving, but we celebrated Wednesday night because not all of our family could come on Thursday) and we didn't finish until 7am. Twelve hours of crazy shopping and amazing deals.

We started at Wal-Mart (another rule of mine that I broke this year and won't ever make the mistake of doing again...crazy Wal-Mart people ruin the fun of it!). We got there a little before 8pm and didn't even get what we were going for, that was kind of a bust, but it ended up okay in the end. Next we went to Kmart and I got my sister Bailey knocked off the list, along with part of my own Christmas list. I got SUPER adorable boots (BOGO sale!) and told John to wrap them up for me and have them be part of my Christmas gift. Then it was off to Sears where I got John a bluray player that I was originally going for at Wal-Mart. It was a little more expensive, but I think I got a better one than Wal-Mart had anyway so I'm okay with it. I also got Tina's gift (we decided to pick out our own gifts so we made sure we got what the other person wanted) so that was another person crossed off my list. After that we had a weird break in between openings so we went back to my house for half an hour before deciding to go back to Sears and get a jacket for our sister in law. After sears it was close to midnight so we headed to Kohl's for a present for my mom, the line was extremely long but we were in and out within 30 minutes. Score! And then the fatal mistake....Old Navy. We were doing so well up until that point- in and out within 40 minutes of each store, getting amazing deals- we were pumped. My sister in law wanted a couple things from Old Navy so we went there expecting it to not be extremely terrible. Two very long hours later we finally walked out of the store. It was ridiculous. Black Friday shopping rule #3: never go to Old Navy early on Black Friday (in case you lost count: Rule #1: no shopping on Thanksgiving, rule #2: no Wal-Mart on Black Friday...I'm 0 for 3).

After that exhausting line we needed a pick me up so we headed to Starbucks and sat in their comfy leather couches for a little over an hour until heading to Bi-Mart. There I got John a really nice fishing reel that he has absolutely NO idea he's getting! I love those types of gifts, don't you? After Bi-Mart we headed to Home Depot where I got 3 poinsettias for under $3.00! Um, hella good deal! They're usually $6-$8 for one! I currently have two red poinsettias on my fireplace and one pink one as my kitchen table centerpiece. And then the last stop of the day, Fred Meyer. John had just gotten off work (it was now a little after 6am) so he met up with us. He got himself some Xbox accessory (not Christmas gift related), we got our brother in law part of his gift, and John bought me part of my gift (a beautiful picture frame gallery set for the living room. Oh, I also hopped online during our little break earlier and bought my brother a DVD box set of his favorite 90's cartoon haha.

So in total I crossed off John, Tina, Bailey, Matt, my mom, my sister in law, my niece,I already had my mom's boyfriend's gift, and John finished up my presents.We still have a couple to go, but we're waiting on those couple people to give us ideas for their gifts. So overall, extremely successful shopping day!

 I also ordered our Christmas cards after my very deep, after Black Friday shopping nap. They're super cute!

Family Secrets

I love ancestry stuff. Like, I lose hours looking up my ancestry and studying ancestry....it's kind of a weird hobby I have. And tonight this got sparked again by a conversation with my mom.

There are so many dark secrets once you start looking into family histories. I don't get very far with my own because of them. I mean, we're talking hundreds of years with affairs, pregnancies out of wedlock, people being exiled, others being murdered, some coming to Ellis Island, others completely denying their heritage (yes, all of these are a part of my family history at some point along the way)....family acestry is dirty stuff. I love it. But it gets hard to track a family line when there are so many sidetracks.

I love figuring out who I am, where I come from, why I look the way I do, why I have certain characteristics that I do and who I get them from....I'm seriously fascinated.

I can't remember how the conversation with my mom started exactly, but I found out some information that I didn't know before. I don't get far in my searches, but I never really even tried looking into my mom's father's side of the family. I never knew him, and no one has much to say about him, so I never really thought I'd get anywhere if I tried to look. But tonight I was told names of my great grandparents on my mom's dad's side (well, I got my mom's grandpa's name and the maiden name of her grandma)....names get you somewhere in the ancestry search, I learned that pretty fast. You don't get much info if you don't even know a name. Tonight I got a name, and she told me his parent's came from Holland to Ellis Island (how cool is that? My great grandparents are listed in the Ellis Island records). I knew it was a long shot but I took to Google, went to the passenger search of Ellis Island, and guess what....I found him. He came here on July 1, 1922 from Bussum, Holland.

I always make jokes of how I'm part Mexican (yes, I actually am but you'd never guess...hence the jokes), and even though I knew I was Dutch I never really looked into that part of who I am. I was telling my mom earlier that I wanted to know more about her family because: one it's a part of me that I know nothing about, and two because I don't look like anyone in the family. According to my mom my looks come from that side of the family. Now I'm really fascinated to find out more about this side of me.  Maybe I'm much more like the VanZyl's than I ever knew?


Another thing I learned tonight from talking to my mom was there was a murder in our family. I don't know details yet, my uncle just found a newspaper article about it (I'll be getting the article soon) but I'm sooo curious about the story! All I know is this: my great, great, great, great (?) grandparents who lived in the south were really wealthy, like....really wealthy apparently, and one night some people broke into their house intending to rob them but my great, great, great,great (?) grandma refused to tell them where they hid their money. So the intruders almost beat her to death, murdered her husband, and something with a baby....

I'm tellin ya....family histories are dirty, scandalous stuff.

Is anyone else as intrigued about ancestry as I am?
Does anyone have any "search" tips for me?

I have no idea how to do immigration ancestry searches....

*Update: I got the newspaper article clip from my mom. Let's just say the past hour FLEW by while I searched both the husband and wife's names like a madman.

If anyone who stumbles upon this happens to know more about Hannah Reeves Grinder Baker (or Willem VanZyl)- let's chat!

Rest in Paradise

 me & grandpa on the historic bayfront. he loved the ships in the background and an old bar across the street

 matt & grandpa when they came out to visit last summer

 grandma & grandpa. would have been married 40 years next week <3

this is the double rainbow that was over the hospital the morning my grandpa passed away. I asked for a sign from God the night before he died...I couldn't have gotten a sign more clear.

Oh Life, You Silly Thing You

Um, so, what hasn't happened since I was last on this thing?

I'll try to go in order of events...

I got a new job. Hooray! No more drug rehab work for this girl, no siree. I got a job in a child development center on OSU's campus. It's a private center for OSU faculty and students. I'm beyond excited to work in a professional job environment, with educated people, and people who respect each other oh and babies, how could I forget the babies. I am an infant room teacher. STOKED for that by the way! I will be surrounded by infants all day every day. Serious smiles for that!

Then, my grandpa died. He died on September 11th after my grandma had signed a DNR. This whole thing has been terrible. I flew back out to Utah early last Saturday morning because the funeral was that afternoon, and I flew back home to Oregon Sunday afternoon. It was a quick trip full with tons of emotions. The service was beautiful though. We had a small viewing for family before the funeral which made it easier to accept the fact that I was where I was because it didn't look like him at all. Then we got in a limo and rode over to the mausoleum where he is buried. The mausoleum is beautiful! I can't imagine him being laid to rest anywhere else, he deserves something so different and marvelous. The service itself was cool. It was a military service which I had never seen in person before. It was complete with the trumpeter, gun salute, and presenting of the flag. There were so many people there my grandma kept saying "he would never believe all of these people were here for him!" it was awesome. They read a couple things that we had written about him (the pastor reading mine was definitely the hardest part for me personally)...the whole thing really did him justice. So job well done. Of course that doesn't make accepting reality any easier. Everyone is having a really hard time with the loss because he is seriously one of the best people this earth has known.

When I came back home I quit my job officially and signed the paperwork for my new job that I start next week.

John and I went to talk to a recruiter, although we didn't get much information because John needs to talk to an officer recruiter which apparently is different from a regular enlisted recruiter. So he's setting up an appointment to go talk with him. John and I have been discussing this whole military thing extensively, but I just have so many worries about it. Our number one worry being that we just bought this house and we're not sure we'd be able to sell it right away. I feel like we'd lose a lot of money that we don't have to lose. We'd have to get a couple things fixed that have broken since moving in, we'd probably have to come up with at least half of closing costs which we couldn't do.....this whole thing makes me wonder if the military is even an option right now. But then again John is 26 so his time is running out on becoming an officer if this is truly what he wants to do. The whole thing stresses me out. If we were in an apartment the decision would be much easier to make, we'd do it. But we haven't been in this house for longer than 6 months....to join he military right now seems crazy to me.

So that's our life right now. It's happy, it's depressing, it's stressful, but still somehow optimistic.

Looking for Guidance and Asking for Prayer

I don't even know where to start.

I'm hoping that since I've actually started typing this that the words will sort of just flow out of my fingertips.

My life kind of feels like a whirlwind right now. So much is going on, and it feels like so much can change my life in an instant.

My grandpa is still in the ICU. He's been in there for 3 weeks now. About a week and a half ago I got a call from my family telling me that he had taken a turn for the worst. I caught the next flight home to see him and was there for a little over a week. I'm so glad I got to go. I got to see him, to talk to him, although he wasn't conscious half the time, I know he knows I was there. He didn't make much progress while I was home, although when I left he was off life support which is good, but yesterday his heart stopped. Luckily they were able to revive him, but I don't know if he's going to make it out of that hospital and it terrifies me.

In addition to that, John has been seriously contemplating joining the military. He feels like maybe that's where God is leading him. We're not making any rash decisions or anything, but we're talking about it, praying about it, and we're going to go talk to a couple recruiters to get more information. I never thought I'd be a military wife. I hear from everyone how hard military life is on marriages and families so I'm not ecstatic about the idea.  A hard part for me is that all of the families (including my own) are air force families, but we don't have an air force base here in Oregon. So we're going to go talk to Navy and Army recruiters along with the Coast Guard.....but I don't know anything about how they operate. Even if we don't have a base here, is Air Force still an option if we are wiling to relocate? See, I don't know anything.

I feel like the next few months will change my life a lot. I'll keep you guys updated on everything, but in the mean time please pray for my grandpa and guidance for John? Thanks.

Family Emergency

I'm back in Utah folks. This past week has been a very emotional week for me and my family.

I got a call on Monday of last week telling me that my grandpa was in the hospital. He thought he had the flu over the weekend, and come Sunday night he was in so much pain he told my grandma to take him to the hospital. Turns out his intestines were twisted. They had to do emergency surgery right away.

The surgery went better than expected. They originally thought that the intestines had a knot in them and that they would have to cut part of them off in fear of dead tissue, they were only twisted so that was an easier fix. However, complications have come since then. My grandpa has always had a bad heart, and has been on blood thinner for years. They had to thicken his blood before the surgery to keep him from bleeding out, and they couldn't put him back on the blood thinner after the surgery for the same reason. Well, the thickened blood put him at a high risk for a stroke. Then he got pneumonia...badly. We're still working on that. Then he got an infection. And now his heart is beating twice as hard as it should be.

He's in really bad shape. After hearing that he had taken a turn for the worst I got on the next flight home and landed here at 8:30 this morning. I went to see him first thing today. He's sedated most of the time, though he responded to me a little bit today. I was holding his hand and talking to him; he opened his eyes, tried lifting his head, tried talking (I could see him moving his mouth a little bit (he's on a ventilator)), he moved his feet, and the thing I loved the most...he squeezed my hand- a couple times. Everyone says that was the most responsive he's been to anyone. Some people say that it wasn't really him because he's on so many drugs right now. I don't care what they say though, it was my grandpa that was squeezing my hand, it was my grandpa who was looking back at me, it was my grandpa who was moving his feet. I feel like I'm holding on to a thread right now, but I'm holding on to that little hope for dear life.

 I finally admitted out loud to John last night that I'm angry with God for doing this to my grandpa and my family, at the same time though I still find myself keeping faith that He'll pull my grandpa though this. 

My grandpa has been like my dad. I love my dad don't get me wrong, and we have an amazing relationship, but my grandpa is the one that has always been there for me. My grandpa is in all of my childhood memories. My grandpa put a roof over my head, gave me a bed for me to sleep in, clothes on my back, and food in my belly; he has always been my biggest defender, and my biggest cheerleader.

So this can't be it.

Not yet.

The doctors say that the next 48 hours will tell us how this is going to turn out in the end. So I ask you, any of you and all of you who are reading this, please pray for him. Please pray that he'll gain his strength back; that he'll be able to beet the pneumonia, that he'll be able to fight off the infection, and that he'll be able to come back home.

Photo of the Week

I can't stop laughing. I become overtaken with hysterics every time I look at this picture. Meet my in-laws. 

Best photo bomb ever!

I couldn't help myself. I had to:

And on that note, goodnight everyone!