Have you ever made a life changing decision and afterwards you can't stop thinking if it was the right one?
I made one of those two years ago and I'm still unsure if it was the right thing to do.
I'm really homesick. I've been really homesick for two years now. I have zero family out here (John's doesn't count) and I will never have family out here. I've made a handful of friends and I can honestly say I've only made one that I would be sad leaving. In two years I've only made one friendship that I would miss. How sad is that?
I love Oregon, I really do. I love being near the ocean. I love the rain. I love how green it is all the time. But I love my family more. I hate not being there for my grandma during this whole transition of losing my grandpa. I hate not being there for my sister and her last year of high school. I hate that I can't be with my dad and celebrate with him on every holiday. I miss my friends- my real, true, lifelong friends. I miss white Christmases. I miss being home. Plain and simple.
I know John loves being able to just go crabbing on a whim. I know he loves going salmon fishing whenever he wants. I know he loves having his parents near him. But I also know that he misses his best friends like crazy because he, like me, hasn't met any of those life-long friends yet. He mentioned the other day how if we could move back he could send himself to police academy and he's sure he would be able to land a job.
But how do we change it now? How do we just pick up again and move?
I think John and I need to have a serious talk....
Showing posts with label Oregon. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Oregon. Show all posts
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Friday, April 27, 2012
I Need A Break
I've been down in the dumps lately. Here's what's been going on....
My brother moved today. I'm very sad about this. He and I have always been really close and although sometimes Portland seemed like forever away, it was still comforting to know that if I needed him he was only an hour drive north. Now he's moving clear down to San Diego and I'm already feeling lonely. When John and I decided to move to Oregon I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that I wouldn't be near any of my family, but I had accepted it and was learning to live with my decision to move away from them. Then my brother moved out here to Oregon and even though I missed other family members, it was so comforting to know that he was out here with me. I had planned on my new life here in Oregon to be without family, but then I got the awesome surprise of my brother's sudden move out here and I was ecstatic...now I have to get back to accepting the fact that I'm pretty much alone out here. I know that sounds harsh because I have my awesome/wonderful husband and his loving family, but it's just not the same as having my blood out here....ya know?
On top of my own personal issues in that area, work has been terrible. My hours have been yo-yoing for a while now. At first my hours were cut, then I was given hours, now my hours are cut again, but then they're talking about giving shifts back...it's so unprofessional it's ridiculous. Not only am I having issues with the company itself right now, I don't know how much longer I can stay there because of the high emotions that come with the job. I feel like every child I get attached to gets taken away and thrown back into foster care. I had two in one day on Tuesday taken and thrown back into the foster care system, and they just so happened to be my two favorite kids in the program. It's one thing to see a child and mother leave because the mom graduates and is thriving...it's completely different when the mother doesn't want her kids and gives them away. I don't understand it, and I don't know how much longer I can take the heartbreak that comes with it. Tuesday I literally packed this sweet little 18 month old toddler's belongings into a foster moms car, and handed him over to her after the mom was arrested in our facility. It was terrible and I was a massive wreck. I can't do that again. People tell me not to get attached, but how do you not get attached to these sweet, innocent kids who are put in these situations not because of any wrongdoing on their part but because of their parent's train-wrecked lives? It's not possible. You get attached. You want to take them home. You want to give them a better life and show them that they're loved. And then, after dealing with all of the emotional turmoil that comes from the kids, you have the women to put up with and let me tell you, they're attitudes stink up to high heaven. I've been yelled at, cursed at, threatened....I usually have patience to put up with it, but lately with everything else going on I don't.
And, my slumber party stuff that I was talking about before? It's bombing. It hasn't even taken off yet and I feel like it's already been a mistake. I've had to reschedule my first party twice now and no one has bought anything from my website.
I'm so frustrated with everything right now. Can I have a break from life for a minute?
My brother moved today. I'm very sad about this. He and I have always been really close and although sometimes Portland seemed like forever away, it was still comforting to know that if I needed him he was only an hour drive north. Now he's moving clear down to San Diego and I'm already feeling lonely. When John and I decided to move to Oregon I had a really hard time dealing with the fact that I wouldn't be near any of my family, but I had accepted it and was learning to live with my decision to move away from them. Then my brother moved out here to Oregon and even though I missed other family members, it was so comforting to know that he was out here with me. I had planned on my new life here in Oregon to be without family, but then I got the awesome surprise of my brother's sudden move out here and I was ecstatic...now I have to get back to accepting the fact that I'm pretty much alone out here. I know that sounds harsh because I have my awesome/wonderful husband and his loving family, but it's just not the same as having my blood out here....ya know?
On top of my own personal issues in that area, work has been terrible. My hours have been yo-yoing for a while now. At first my hours were cut, then I was given hours, now my hours are cut again, but then they're talking about giving shifts back...it's so unprofessional it's ridiculous. Not only am I having issues with the company itself right now, I don't know how much longer I can stay there because of the high emotions that come with the job. I feel like every child I get attached to gets taken away and thrown back into foster care. I had two in one day on Tuesday taken and thrown back into the foster care system, and they just so happened to be my two favorite kids in the program. It's one thing to see a child and mother leave because the mom graduates and is thriving...it's completely different when the mother doesn't want her kids and gives them away. I don't understand it, and I don't know how much longer I can take the heartbreak that comes with it. Tuesday I literally packed this sweet little 18 month old toddler's belongings into a foster moms car, and handed him over to her after the mom was arrested in our facility. It was terrible and I was a massive wreck. I can't do that again. People tell me not to get attached, but how do you not get attached to these sweet, innocent kids who are put in these situations not because of any wrongdoing on their part but because of their parent's train-wrecked lives? It's not possible. You get attached. You want to take them home. You want to give them a better life and show them that they're loved. And then, after dealing with all of the emotional turmoil that comes from the kids, you have the women to put up with and let me tell you, they're attitudes stink up to high heaven. I've been yelled at, cursed at, threatened....I usually have patience to put up with it, but lately with everything else going on I don't.
And, my slumber party stuff that I was talking about before? It's bombing. It hasn't even taken off yet and I feel like it's already been a mistake. I've had to reschedule my first party twice now and no one has bought anything from my website.
I'm so frustrated with everything right now. Can I have a break from life for a minute?
Sunday, April 22, 2012
First Hike of the Year
Today is another beautiful, sunny day! That's two in a row now!
Yesterday I took advantage of it by going on a nice run, today I took advantage of it by going on a hike with Tina and Duke. We went to a place called Peavy Arboretum just outside of Corvallis. The trail wasn't as challenging as I would have hoped, nor as long, but we hiked the 3 miles in a little over an hour and it was really pretty. I know I say this just about any time I go hiking or camping out here, but I just can't get over how green and beautiful everything is.
Tomorrow it's supposed to be cloudy here in the Valley, but John and I are going to the coast which is supposed to be sunny. Three days of sun in a row? Say whaaa?
Here are some pictures from our hike today
Yesterday I took advantage of it by going on a nice run, today I took advantage of it by going on a hike with Tina and Duke. We went to a place called Peavy Arboretum just outside of Corvallis. The trail wasn't as challenging as I would have hoped, nor as long, but we hiked the 3 miles in a little over an hour and it was really pretty. I know I say this just about any time I go hiking or camping out here, but I just can't get over how green and beautiful everything is.
Tomorrow it's supposed to be cloudy here in the Valley, but John and I are going to the coast which is supposed to be sunny. Three days of sun in a row? Say whaaa?
Here are some pictures from our hike today
Mr. Duke getting his exercise for the day
Ah, I love all the moss
Take I of trying to get a photo op with my baby
Take II- there we go <3
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Home Owners
Hello, Hello!
I have some big news to announce! Drum roll please.....
Yes, that's right, we bought a house. We were pretty upset that the house we offered on last month didn't go through. We kept looking and looking, but we just couldn't get over the other house. Not that it's really spectacular or anything, but it felt right for us. So after some discussion John and I decided to try one more time. On Monday we went down to our agent's office and put in our last offer and today they accepted!
We are so excited to be moving into our new house! We're tired of the crappy rental home we're living in now and we're sooo ready to move back into Albany, into our home; we're excited to give Duke his HUGE backyard and to be so much closer to both of our jobs. Oh man, I'm so excited to not have to drive 35 minutes to get to work AND to have a dishwasher again!!! YES!
I have some big news to announce! Drum roll please.....
WE BOUGHT A HOUSE!!!!
Yes, that's right, we bought a house. We were pretty upset that the house we offered on last month didn't go through. We kept looking and looking, but we just couldn't get over the other house. Not that it's really spectacular or anything, but it felt right for us. So after some discussion John and I decided to try one more time. On Monday we went down to our agent's office and put in our last offer and today they accepted!
We are so excited to be moving into our new house! We're tired of the crappy rental home we're living in now and we're sooo ready to move back into Albany, into our home; we're excited to give Duke his HUGE backyard and to be so much closer to both of our jobs. Oh man, I'm so excited to not have to drive 35 minutes to get to work AND to have a dishwasher again!!! YES!
Our cute new home
God is sooo good!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Apologies For My Absence
Whoa guys, I'm incredibly sorry for my absence. You see, I've been pretty busy lately with the flood, and health issues, and dog training, and that whole job promotion thing I was going for. Let's recap shall we?
First of all, as you've probably already guessed, I didn't get washed away from the flood. But it got close! Corvallis (where I work and where John parents/grandparents live) got completely flooded . Look at this
it was madness. They're still recovering, but luckily the rains have stopped. The river behind our house never came up on land, surprisingly, because it got way too close for my liking.
Then I got really sick. Not to get into all the gory details but I was having some, erm, women issues, and it was making me really sick. I went into urgent care and they did a bunch of tests, one of those tests was a blood test and they said my liver enzymes were high and my white blood cell count was low; they wanted me to go to my doctor a couple weeks later for a check up. I went for my check up and they're still worried about my liver because it shouldn't be as out of whack as it is, they're having me come back in a couple weeks to get more blood drawn and if it's still high then I'll be sent to a specialist. The weird thing is, that isn't even why I went to the doctor in the first place. They just happened to find this in the midst of everything else. The reason I was having problems initially is because the doctors think (but can't be sure) that I had an early miscarriage. I'm not sure how accurate that is, I mean...the doctors aren't even sure how accurate that is because they simply can't tell. So I'm not really sure how to feel about it.
Well the day I went in for my check up I got sick again. But with something totally different from any of the things above. I felt like I was getting the flu- my body ached, my throat was sore, I just felt crappy. By the end of the day I had a fever, my throat was so sore my ears were hurting, my body hurt.....that's lasted for about 5 days and now here I am. Most of it's gone, my throat still hurts a little, but that's about it. I should be back to work tomorrow.
Speaking of work. I was going for a promotion (I'm sure I told you about it); it was a full time, lead day care position at work. Our last lady quit unexpectedly and the position opened up. I was working my butt off for it too, but in the end I didn't get it. My boss decided to hire outside and they found someone "more qualified". I'd be lying if I said I was fine with their decision. I hate that excuse about not having enough experience. I may not have manager or supervisor experience, but if companies only hire people who've held those positions how are we expected to gain that experience? Oh well. Such is life.
But on the bright side, we started Duke's obedience training. In 5 weeks he'll be one obedient pup...hopefully. All I really want out of it is to be able to walk him down the street without it feeling like he's going to pull my arm out of the socket. That'd be grand.
Until next time guys.
First of all, as you've probably already guessed, I didn't get washed away from the flood. But it got close! Corvallis (where I work and where John parents/grandparents live) got completely flooded . Look at this
those used to be roads
yeah that really happened
Then I got really sick. Not to get into all the gory details but I was having some, erm, women issues, and it was making me really sick. I went into urgent care and they did a bunch of tests, one of those tests was a blood test and they said my liver enzymes were high and my white blood cell count was low; they wanted me to go to my doctor a couple weeks later for a check up. I went for my check up and they're still worried about my liver because it shouldn't be as out of whack as it is, they're having me come back in a couple weeks to get more blood drawn and if it's still high then I'll be sent to a specialist. The weird thing is, that isn't even why I went to the doctor in the first place. They just happened to find this in the midst of everything else. The reason I was having problems initially is because the doctors think (but can't be sure) that I had an early miscarriage. I'm not sure how accurate that is, I mean...the doctors aren't even sure how accurate that is because they simply can't tell. So I'm not really sure how to feel about it.
Well the day I went in for my check up I got sick again. But with something totally different from any of the things above. I felt like I was getting the flu- my body ached, my throat was sore, I just felt crappy. By the end of the day I had a fever, my throat was so sore my ears were hurting, my body hurt.....that's lasted for about 5 days and now here I am. Most of it's gone, my throat still hurts a little, but that's about it. I should be back to work tomorrow.
Speaking of work. I was going for a promotion (I'm sure I told you about it); it was a full time, lead day care position at work. Our last lady quit unexpectedly and the position opened up. I was working my butt off for it too, but in the end I didn't get it. My boss decided to hire outside and they found someone "more qualified". I'd be lying if I said I was fine with their decision. I hate that excuse about not having enough experience. I may not have manager or supervisor experience, but if companies only hire people who've held those positions how are we expected to gain that experience? Oh well. Such is life.
But on the bright side, we started Duke's obedience training. In 5 weeks he'll be one obedient pup...hopefully. All I really want out of it is to be able to walk him down the street without it feeling like he's going to pull my arm out of the socket. That'd be grand.
Until next time guys.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Overflow
If anyone knows anything about Oregon, it's that it rains all the time (and it's full of hipsters). I've been here for a year now and I've seen my fair share of rain, believe me, driving here sometimes is like driving through a car wash. But this storm is unlike anything I've ever seen. The entire coast is shut down, they had 100 MPH winds yesterday, all the roads are closed...it's pretty intense. Roads are completely caving in and one has already been found dead from the flooding.
Here in the valley it's not much better.
One of the things I love about it here, is that there are rivers and lakes everywhere you look, right now, that's what's causing all of the problems. Streets are closed, houses are being evacuated...correction, cities are being evacuated, and cars are being swept away. Unfortunately, last night a family was in their car when the floods swept it away, the man and the 5 year old made it out, the mother and baby did not. The baby drowned and the body was found this morning, the mother is still missing.
How awful. My heart goes out to that family. That poor baby boy :(
Our house is right by the Santiam River, John called me from work to go check to see how high it is because apparently there are warnings out for where we live too because they're afraid this river will overflow. I'm hoping that even if it does overflow, that our house and our neighbors houses are high enough that it won't do any damage.
Hopefully this will all calm down soon.
Here in the valley it's not much better.
One of the things I love about it here, is that there are rivers and lakes everywhere you look, right now, that's what's causing all of the problems. Streets are closed, houses are being evacuated...correction, cities are being evacuated, and cars are being swept away. Unfortunately, last night a family was in their car when the floods swept it away, the man and the 5 year old made it out, the mother and baby did not. The baby drowned and the body was found this morning, the mother is still missing.
How awful. My heart goes out to that family. That poor baby boy :(
Our house is right by the Santiam River, John called me from work to go check to see how high it is because apparently there are warnings out for where we live too because they're afraid this river will overflow. I'm hoping that even if it does overflow, that our house and our neighbors houses are high enough that it won't do any damage.
Hopefully this will all calm down soon.
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