Well I wrote in my last post that I would be lying low for a little while and I had intentions to do that, but things have changed. You see, New Years Eve I found out I was pregnant. I was SO excited I was actually in tears. John told me to lie low and not tell anyone, but I couldn't do that....I was too excited!! So I told my two best friends Lizzie and Courtney and my little sister Bailey, I seriously was about to burst at the seams with the news every time I saw someone. But John and I have always been on the same page when it came to sharing this news, we were going to wait until I was in my second trimester, after the risk of miscarriage went down.
A couple days after I found out, I started bleeding. I was bleeding and cramping really bad, called my doctor and explained what was going on....there was nothing they could do, they told me to wait a few days and then go in for a check up. When I went in my doctor verified my fears, I had miscarried. I was absolutely devastated, angry and confused.
I pride myself in knowing a lot of information about pregnancy...infants...all that jazz, but I didn't know that 50% of miscarriages happen within the first 6 weeks and that's where I was at. I debated putting this super personal information in my public blog because most of my family doesn't even know and none of my friends know except for Lizzie & Courtney, but I decided to finally write it down because no one talks about it. My case could have been so much worse- I didn't hear a heartbeat or feel it kick, I didn't give birth only to realize I lost my baby, so I know people have it so much worse than me but I'm putting this out there in case it's happened to anyone who went through it and wants to talk or is going through it and wants to talk.
For those who are wondering, I'm doing okay. I'm not great, but I'm okay. My doctor said I shouldn't have anything to worry about and this shouldn't increase my chance for another miscarriage. I'm completely healthy and we've started trying again. I'm just praying it doesn't happen next time and that 9 months from the time I see that positive test we'll have a healthy and beautiful baby boy or girl.
P.S. On the upside, this made us seriously consider baby names and baby things....we have officially (like officially officially, we're not even considering other names) decided on a boy's name and a girl's name. I've gotten a couple more baby things, and I'm going to start purchasing bigger baby things like strollers, carseats, pack n' plays....all that fun stuff :)
I'm sorry you have to go through this. You are allowed to griev. Just because others might have had it "worse" than you doesn't make what you are going through any better.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Alicia. People say stupid things when they don't know what to say and this was a situation where people really didn't know what to say to me and therefore said a couple stupid things- one being that I wasn't very far along so it wasn't a big deal. It still is a big deal, especially when you've wanted it for so long.
ReplyDeleteYes it is a very big deal. A loss is a loss. It doesn't matter how far along you were, once you see those two lines your life and future is different. You are totally allowed to be upset that your precious angel doesn't get to share in that with you two down here. You are right, people say stupid things. It would be nice if life came with a book of what to say and what not to say it different situatuions.
ReplyDeleteAwww I'm sorry Piper. I can only imagine how excited you were. Thank you for having the courage to share!
ReplyDeleteGlad you are officially officially decided. :) Keep us updated on some of your purchases?