Mental Capacity

The past two days I've felt like I'm seconds away from a mental breaking point. I don't think I've ever been so stressed out in my life. And I don't really know how I let myself get so overwhelmed.

Working my job is very stressful (not that all jobs aren't, and not saying mine's worse than yours), and it's a type of stressful that I can't really explain. Working with addicts day in and day out, and working with troubled children day in and day out starts to take a toll on you. And I would be okay if I were just dealing with work...but working that job and having so much school work is mentally exhausting. I think I found myself crying out of pure exhaustion and stress at least 3 times yesterday. It doesn't really help that the housework suffers while I'm so preoccupied with other things. I feel like the house is a mess (athough it's been much worse in the past), but I'm not keeping up with everything like I should be- though believe me, it's not for lack of trying.

That's also contributed to my sense of being overwhelmed. My never ending list of things to do. I feel like I never get a break. I get up and go to work, work all day, come home only to find myself needing to make dinner, clean the house, do the laundry, play with Duke or take him on a walk, and then around 11 I'll finally get to start on my homework; I'll work on that until 3 or 4 in the morning only to wake up and do it all over again. And my weekends that I have "off" are consumed with even more studying, errand running, and deep cleaning that I can't find the time to do thoroughly throughout the week.

This week (especially today and yesterday) I hit my mental wall. You know when you're working out and your mind keeps telling you "stop you can't take anymore"? My mind was screaming at me "STOP! YOU CAN"T TAKE ANYMORE!". I think most of it comes back to this nutrition class, as stupid as that may sound. I don't think I've ever studied so hard for a class and not seen adequate results. I've been nose deep in my nutrition book for 11 hours in a 24 hour time period and I don't feel confident in anything that I've submitted. Talk about a blow to your self confidence...

Though there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I just submitted my 4th nutrition exam and regardless of whether I pass or fail I only have two more exams and both are open book/open note. I see that as a possible chance to raise my grade. I think I see a glimmer of white.We leave for vacation (a much, much needed vacation) a week from tomorrow. Hey, I think the light is getting brighter. And even if I fail this nutrition class, I've already signed up for it again with, according to ratemyprofessor.com, a 5 star teacher who requires zero tests and only a couple quizzes. God, is that you?